Axel: Look Xaldin, all I'm saying is you need to be a little more careful with those lances. Last time you played catch with someone, Xigbar lost an eye.

Xaldin: It's not my fault he agreed to play catch with his teeth.

Marluxia: Well you sorta threatened to kill him if he refused. So...

Xaldin: He still could have said no. I mean he just sat there and took it. I mean I was throwing them at him.

(Xemnas appears)

Axel: (Sarcasm) Aah great. Our brilliant leader. What's our pointless order for today?

Xemnas: Damn, not suttle at all are we?

Axel: Hey I got stuff to do. I don't waste time with a witty build up for an unsatisfying joke.

Xemnas: Sometimes I really think I should fire him.

Saix: Ha oh oh oh I get it. Fire. You're so funny Master Xemnas.

Xemnas: Moving on. Today's agenda, regarding our latest target, Sora. I hear he's in Hollow Bastion and I think we outta throw him a sorta surprise party for making it this far.

Marluxia: Wait, isn't he supposed to have gone to Castle Oblivion by now?

Axel: Better question, since when do we care about continuity?

Marluxia: Oooh.

(Opening sequence)

Xemnas: Alright guys, here's the plan, when Sora walks up those steps, we appear out of nowhere scaring the (bleep) out of him. We'll say a bunch of spooky things just to freak him out. Then we'll go back to our headquarters while Xigbar hangs back and explain where the party's gonna be. Sounds like a plan?

Sora: All I'm saying Donald is that you should really get your throat checked out.

Donald: (Talking gibberish)

Sora: I'm not kidding, stressed throat is crazy this time of year and...

(Evil laughs)

Goofy: You guys hear that laughing?

Sora: It's coming from over there.

Lexaeus: Black power!

Xemnas: Well well well. If it isn't the keyblade master.

Sora: Who are you guys?

Demyx: We're Organization...

Xemnas: Shut the (bleep) up Demyx! We're...err...we're the bad guys of the game. Ooooooooooooo.

Axel: Real smooth boss.

Sora: (Gasp) The bad guys?!

Goofy: Gawsh!

Donald: (Talking gibberish)

Xemnas: Sora, we...erm we kidnapped your friend.

Sora: WHAT?! WHO?!

Xemnas: Err it was erm...

Sora: Not Kairi!

Xemnas: Yes Kairi. We kidnapped him.

Axel: Her.

Xemnas: I mean her. Yes. We kidnapped her and you'll never see her again.

Sora: You monsters! You're heartless!

Vexen: We're actually nobodies.

Xemnas: Watch your back Sora. You'll be next. (Evil laugh)

Goofy: Gawsh.

Xigbar: (Laughs) Whoa boy Sora! You should have seen the look on your face when we told you we kidnapped your matey Kairi. It was priceless.

Sora: AAAAAAAH YOU B******!!!!!

Xigbar: OH GOD!!!

Xemnas: Well I thought that went pretty well. When Sora comes in, we'll all yell surprise. Got it? It'll be...

Xigbar: Oww God! Mateys yargh he didn't find this too funny. I think we might have been too convincing.

Axel: You can't be serious.


Organization members: Surprise!

Xigbar: OH S*** HE'S HERE!!!

Sora: (Screaming)

Xemnas: Xaldin get him!

Xaldin: Alright guys, I got this. I'll stab him right in the...(gets attacked by Sora)

Axel: Oh God!

Xemnas: Err erm Luxord play cards with him or something to calm his ass down!

Luxord: Are you out of your bloody mind? Look at him hit and I wanna stay around to see what he bloody does.

Xemnas: Damnit! Vexen, handle this!

Vexen: But I can't do this!


Axel: I think we're safe...(explodes).

Sora: KAIRI!!!

Xemnas: (High pitch scream)

Saix: Don't worry Master Xemnas, I'll protect...


Saix: He did it.

Xemnas: SAIX!!! WHAT THE F***?!

Sora: YOU!!!

Xemnas: (Crying)

Sora: Where is she?!

Xemnas: We err...we don't have her.

Sora: WHAT!!!?

Xemnas: Yeah yeah it was a joke. Yeah we thought it would be funny so you can come over to your friends and then we can have a surprise party.

Sora: So was all a joke?

Xemnas: (Crying) Yes.

Sora: Well this is awkward. I guess I got a little carried away here. I'm gonna go now.

Xemnas: Yeah you better run!