(Opening sequence)

Xemnas: Awesome. Now that I got the sign up outside of the castle, it's time to go reward myself with some...

Saix: Master Xemnas!

Xemnas: What's wrong Saix? Did Windows Movie Maker crash on you again?

Saix: No Master Xemnas, there's a fight going down.

Xemnas: Look Saix, if it's Kimbo Slice versus Chuck Lidel, I've already seen it.

Saix: No Master Xemnas. It's Luxord and Xigbar.

Xemnas: Kimbo and Chuck are fighting Luxord and Xigbar?

Saix: No Master Xemna-

Xemnas: ...'Cause that would be awesome.

Saix: Anyways Master Xemnas you need to come quick.

Xemnas: Alright fine. But I swear to God if I don't get the creature creator, I'm gonna kill a b*tch.


Xemnas: Ah you all made it! And I was worried since I had to rely on snail-mail against the risk of using e-mail.

Axel: You know, if we got a business cell phone plan, we'll probably have these meetings a little sooner.

Xemnas: Yes but after Luxord gambled all our extra munny away on that fifty to one horse...

Luxord: (Immediately) We could have won over ONE MILLION!

Xemnas: And after Larxene and Marluxia were running up the bill last time with all the texting.

Larxene: But Cinderella told me that Sleeping Beauty told her that Alice told her that she saw Aladdin with Ariel and I just had to tell Mar Mar-

Xemnas: Anyway I assume this fight I was hearing about has been...

Xigbar: YARGH! Take it back!

Luxord: Why don't you make me you tw*t!

Xemnas: SOOO... erm what's going on?

Demyx: Well Xigbar's angry at the nickname Luxord gave him.

Xemnas: I see I see. Now can someone relatively hot just repeat what he said?

Vexen: Gladly!

Xemnas: (Immediately) I said hot, not voiced by Derek Steven Prince.

Vexen: Aww...

Larxene: Well Xigbar was angry at the nickname Luxord gave him.

Xemnas: I see I see. Now show me your tits.

Larxene: (Immediately) What?

Xemnas: (Immediately) What?

Xigbar: Yargh! I swear to God I'm gonna shoot you in the face if you call me that again!!!

Luxord: All bets are on you b*tch and there's a hundred to one chance of me kicking you ass!


Axel: Holy crap! They just might kill each other.

Xaldin: I know, it's f*cking awesome right!?

Zexion: I wish someone would kill...

Marluxia: Guys stop fighting!

Lexaeus: Don't worry fruit cake, I'll take care of this. Alright honkies listen up, if your crack asses don't shut the hell up, I'm gonna super glue your bum hole shut and then I'll force feed you my Grandma's three ounce chili until you explode and get some chili all over the walls! Any questions?!

Larxene: I think this speech gave Xaldin a boner.

Xaldin: No I didn't. Shut up. I'll stab you. Shut up!

Xemnas: Alright that's enough. Now why don't you tell me what nickname Luxord gave you?

Xigbar: YARGH!...ehm..Long John, Suckass.

Xemnas: Alright. Now I know it can be an annoying name at first but it will grow on to yo- ...Long John Suckass.

Xigbar: Yargh...yes.

Xemnas: (Sniggers) Wow...oh wow that is...that is...why did you erm even get a nickname like that?

Xigbar: Yargh! 'Cause we all do!

Xemnas: Really?

Axel: Yep, mine's Flamer. Bunch of jackasses...

Marluxia: Wow. That's exactly what the kids in high school used to call me!

Luxord: I'm The Alletory Redcoat.

Xaldin: Mine is Xaldin...THE JAMAICAN TERROR!!!

Luxord: You're Jamaican?

Xaldin: Ya mon!

Demyx: I called myself The Sitar Hero 'cause I can beat Through The Fire and Flames on expert. It'll blow your mind.

Lexaeus: Call me Lexington Steele 'cause I've got a huge dic-.

Vexen: I'm Genice. Get it? It's a play on words. Yay I'm smart!

Zexion: I'm My Avenged Chemical Tokyo Harford Hotel Sevenfold Romance.

Larxene: My name is--

Axel: B*tch?

Larxene: ........"That's Super B*tch" to you.

Marluxia: I'm named after my favorite actor, Harrison Ford.

Demyx: What...?

Saix: Oh yeah I forgot to give myself a nickname. I'm gonna call myself Moon Pie 'cause I like the moon...and I really like pie.

Xemnas: Wait, so you all have nicknames?

Xigbar: (Immediately) Yargh!

Lexaeus: (Immediately) Yeah.

Axel: (Immediately) Yes.

Larxene: (Immediately) Yeah totally.

Saix: (Immediately) Yes.

Vexen: (Immediately) Affirmative.

Zexion: (Immediately) Yeah.

Marluxia: (Immediately) (Singing) Yes!

Xemnas: Wow... I feel so out of place. I mean like I don't even have a nickname.

Marluxia: Well, how about we all get together and make one up for you?

Xemnas: (Immediately) Wow really? Thanks.


Axel: Well it took some time but I think you're gonna like the name we came up with.

Lexaeus: He better like it or I'll put my foot in his ass!

Xaldin: Dude that doesn't sound creative. Now stabbing him, that's creative.

Luxord: Five to one says that you'll love it.

Marluxia: I think it's the most precious name (singing) ever!!!

Xigbar: Yargh you would you little homo.

Vexen: My calculations are never wrong. You'll be so impressed that you'll give me a higher ranking!

Xemnas: (Immediately) Yeah...I doubt that. (Immediately) All right! (voice cracks) Let's see it!!!

Saix: Okay master Xemnas you nickname is...(drumroll) Carlos Vencia.

Xemnas: What?

Saix: Yeah it makes sense because you're just like him. You steal stuff and claim it to be yours.

Xemnas: Okay that's stupid! In fact, all of your nicknames are stupid! (VERY FAST) I'm the Superior, you're the Freeshooter, you're the Whirlwind Lancer, you're the Chilly Academic, you're the Silent Hero, you're the Cloaked Schemer, you're the Lunar Diviner, you're the Flurry of the Dancing Flames, you're the Melodious Nocturne, you're the Gambler of Fate, you're the Graceful Assassin and you're the Savage Nymph.

Roxas: Wait a minute, I don't get a nickname?

Xemnas: You can be Noobcake.

Roxas: But...

Xemnas: NOOBCAKE!!!